"How do you live, knowing you're dying?"//Gabby and Colten//Vow Renewal

“I vow to love you even when I’m gone. To find you again and let you know I’m there. You will never have to be alone. You can find me in the waves that dance along the shore, and the wind that moves you to explore. You can find my love in the stillness between the trees, and the sounds of laughter you share with our friends and family. I will be alive in the beauty of the nature that surrounds you. All you have to do is close your eyes and reach out to your heart, and I’ll be there, and you’ll feel me. I will never stop loving you babe, I wouldn’t even know how. My love isn’t tied to a thing that ends, not my body, not my mind, not even my life. I will remain your Opo forever and ever.” -Coltens vow to Gabby.

Now if you’re new here, Gabby is my sister, and Colten is my brother in law who has been in my life since I was a kid. He has been the older brother I never had. He has given me life advice, is the reason I met my husband Stryker, and has loved my sister fiercely for the past ten years.

I will give you the quick summary of his cancer; around three years ago, he got diagnosed with an aggressive cancer called Ewings Sarcoma. It completely changed his and Gabby’s life. What once was a life full of travel, exploring the outdoors, and chasing their dreams…became a life of chemo, and working around his good days. He beat this cancer, but because this cancer is so aggressive and fast growing, it came back. Around September of 2021, they got the news that no one wants to hear. He was diagnosed terminal, given six more good months. So, in October of 2021, Gabby and Colten planned their vow renewal that I had the honor of capturing.

It is currently January of 2022, but since that diagnosis…it seems that time has been slipping through our fingers. I wish they weren’t going through this. I wish they had more time. My sisters and I spent Christmas together and on Christmas Eve, we all cried together as Colten said he can’t stop thinking about how this could be his last Christmas. We all joked saying, what if every year after this, it becomes Coltens thing to say “this could be my last Christmas”, and honestly…I couldn’t hope for anything more. I hope he is here every Christmas for the next 100 years to tell us it could be his last.

Life is unfair, and they don’t deserve this. They don’t deserve to be counting down his good days. To live their life within numbered days. To even be worrying about death at their age.

To end this blog, I’m going to put the quote my sisters therapist asked her, that punched me in the gut…“how do you live, knowing you’re dying”? If there were a right way to “live”, Colten and Gabby are doing it. Loving each other so fiercely through the worst things life can throw at you and no matter how dark it gets, holding each others hand through it.

It has been absolutely earth shattering watching two people I love dearly face the worst thing in the world. I’m so glad they got to renew their vows and that I got to capture such a tender moment. I have no doubt these two are going to continue to live and love fiercely until the very end.

These images are hauntingly beautiful, and the emotion I feel through them hits me every time. I hope that this blog post reminds you to hug your loved ones a little bit tighter, because you never know how much time you have left. Life is so fleeting, so fragile, and so tender.

#fuckcancer